Communication and decreasing started peeping of new media and the parents and children into war
Yang's daughter was in junior high school, since after secondary school, daughter of the rapid approach to her height, but she seems more and more far away. Whenever I see her computer screen in the room, Yang said, there is always a "drill" into "what do want to see her every day to chat with others".
now, whether in urban or rural areas, many primary and middle school students have their own cell phones and computers. But she found that many parents, and children is becoming more convenient, but increasingly alienated children and their parents, more and more difficult to handle, they hid the secrets to grow into cell phones and computers, as well as mobile phones and computers behind the endless cyberspace.
faced with more and more silent in front of their children, many parents had a voyeuristic impulse, like Yang. Not long ago, released by the China Foundation for human rights development and harmonious family Foundation survey of China's first parent-child communication, near 40% (39%) parents looking at child's secret, children over the age of 13, close to 60% (58%) parents looking at child's secret.
yiqian, to prevent parents peeping, many children will put the diary locked while in today's communications technology is highly developed, parents and children this voyeur peeping and anti-war out of the new characteristics of the times, there is "potential", the "dark war".
parents "diving" son student blog
in the eyes of Ms Zhou, the son was an introverted child. Since middle school, son and parents are saying very little, free time, he is always hiding in their rooms. From son's room whenever she passed by, can hear the sound of crackling on the keyboard.
"sometimes I really can't hold, while he's not secretly turned on his computer, his Internet access records, viewing his chat. "She said, but nothing to check. "He completely remove all records to the Internet every day to sleep, no matter how late. "
clean computer, she and her husband did not end. Son in the room online, ladies and couples of weeks sitting outside just guessing: son doing in here? Play games or chat?
she try to search site to enter his son's name, aimlessly looking for, actually, in a blog, she found in her son's name, this is son student blog. Then, she will arrive every few days to this blog, but only "dive" never speak. Then, bit by bit to string together here, probably in tracing her son on the campus in the heart of the situation.
she knew his son students blog, "hidden", suspected of somewhat voyeuristic, so seldom revealed what they knew before the son, is accidentally revealed a little at a time, however, he is anxious and angry, has warned she will not do it again.
now to search the son's name, she can't find the blog.
with Internet growing up "after the" obviously more familiar with the Internet than their parents, they no longer make parents tremble is a diary with a lock.
according to the China Internet network information center released the 26th statistical report on Internet development in China showed that as of end of December 2009, the teenager has reached 195 million Internet users in China, young people are the main force of mobile Internet, mobile Internet users account for 71.2%.
experimental high school of Haidian, Beijing yan NaN (pseudonym), Monday through Friday live at my grandmother's House, in order to contact parents to buy her a mobile phone. "A junior high school kid, a cell phone battery is not enough every day to bring a spare, even so, recharged at night every day, do not know what does she do every day using a mobile phone? "Yan Nan's grandmother said.
Hall of yannan's mother used to play the daughter cell phone call list, "see the call single I hate, you said I could do, check what's the use? She was more mobile Internet, mobile phones will follow her anywhere, anytime, can not control her. "
children invented argot handle
compared with anxious parents, the children did seem to be more calm.
Beijing ritan middle school high school student Xiao Xiao (not his real name) introduces himself to avoid parents "zhagang" method: go online, their open learning-related pages, and then open one of your favorite Web pages, do the things they want to do, once the parents burst into the room, they immediately prepared Web page open, pretending to look. "If you want to write a private diary or blog space, usually after sleeping in the parents secretly. "Xiao Xiao said.
However, some children do not like Xiao Xiao in trouble, they invented a chat code so that if parents, parents do not understand what they say.
is on the second day of wangkang is doing.
If viewing wangkang chats, you will feel dizzy, but his old acquaintances with students who can take the hint.
like, computer that head of students once see screen Shang appeared has "MOS", on will immediately stop with wangkang chat, or said some and learning about of things, because in wangkang and friends are of chat dictionary in "MOS" on representative with "mother in behind"; if screen Shang appeared has "VVG", everyone on will continues to chat down, because this representative now all are very good.
"we sometimes use ' Martian ' to communicate. "Wangkang said, such as" 3Q Orz "means" thank you bottom "," parents absolutely don't understand such things. "
If it's a diary or blog, some sensitive words, he split a combination of ways to confuse parents, for instance, he wants to write in a journal or a blog "I love you" would be written as "I would Exult on you."
children not understanding parents, "although sometimes don't understand parental control, but I also know that parents are concerned about me and loves me. "Xiao Xiao said, against their parents, one can protect their personal space, and also to avoid parents undue concern," good for both sides. "
between parents and children "zero communication" or "communication"
in fact, parents are really difficult to accept is not a kids surf the Web, chat, but the child to communicate with anyone can simply will not communicate with themselves.
"my son every day for various reasons and ways and means to send text messages," she said, but his son's reply was always "reduced to the simplest."
holidays, son lessons, often 6:30 after class, she wants to meet him, and sent a text message: 6:30, everyone else had eaten dinner, and you're home if it is 8 o'clock, did not eat so late, is bad for your health, I'll answer you.
send long SMS, son is only 3 words: No. "His message often is the case, sometimes adding two words: ' no '. "She said.
she felt that communication with his son, is "zero communication", so that communication did not play any role, even plays the opposite role.
son just when I was at high school, Elaine couples communicated with his son's teacher, the couple told the teacher, my son was a very shy boy, do not like to communicate with others, and hope that teachers will know his characteristics, can communicate with students on the issue of how to help his son.
unexpectedly, she couple's words, was shocked by class. "The teacher was telling me, children told us that in her eyes is totally different, my sons in the eyes of the teacher's very sunny, is notoriously humorist in his class, and is the class representative of abstract art. "She said," we had no idea his son's performance with his family in the school is so different. "
experts pointed out that conflict between children and parents most is caused by miscommunication. In recent years, due to the improvement of living standards and the development of communications technologies, urban children's living space is getting bigger, but because of academic pressure increases, the minds of children room to grow more and more narrow. Catch up with the changes of physical development in adolescence, making it more sensitive and vulnerable to adolescent children. So, communication conflicts of adolescent children and their parents more and more prominent.
China Youth and children Research Center, said Gong Lixin, Deputy Director of the Institute of family education, parent-child communication in this phase, use adult "fall in love", parents can pay more attention to design a variety of activities, such as singing, movies, outings, so the children could participate in activities in which parents take the initiative to express their views on all sorts of things, and listen to each other's views.
However, this "coax" approach is just one of the ways to solve the problem. Gong Lixin said communication problems between parents and is not now, "it's definitely a process of accumulation".
"so many years engaged in work related to the family, so I have a deep feeling, any issues that may arise between the parents is not only its surface as shown in," said Gong Lixin, "there must be a deeper reason for it. "
Gong Lixin, parents and children, problems that may arise related to their early parent-child relationship. Different families have different ways of communication, therefore, when parents and children when there is a conflict, you should go back and think about, how relationships between themselves and their children for many years, is there a problem, the only way to find the root causes of conflict.
experts also said that, no matter for what purpose, parents should not peeping children's privacy. At present, some related laws and regulations have made it clear to parents looking to say "no". For example, from September 1, Chongqing City, began the implementation of the provisions of the regulations on the protection of minors, no organization or individual shall not be opened without authorization, or view the minors ' letters, diaries, e-mail, online chat, phone messages and other personal information, and shall not disclose the personal privacy of the minor. It is understood that other regions also enacted similar regulations.
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